The newborn days are hard and often lonely. Here are 7 ways to support a new mom, and help her feel loved, encouraged and lifted up after bringing home a new baby.

A few weeks ago, a friend of mine stopped by to visit and brought along her 6 week old baby. She was a new mom, and it was the first chance we had gotten to chat since she had her baby.

It didn’t take long before the initial oohing and ahhing over the new baby and exchanging superficial pleasantries were over, and I asked her how things were going. That’s when our conversation went deep.

She shared her difficult birth experience with me, and the struggles she’s faced in the 6 weeks since then. I could see the emotions on her face and hear them in her voice. She was tired. She was struggling.

And I was able to look her in the face and tell her without a shadow of a doubt, “I get it. I’ve been there. I know what you are going through.”

Birth was not easy for me. The transition to motherhood was not easy for me either. The first weeks of Raleigh’s life were the hardest of my own. I have been in the thick of things, which was right where my friend was when we got together to talk.

She said something during our visit like, “I look back and feel bad that I didn’t reach out to you in those early weeks after Raleigh was born. Now I know how hard and lonely it is.”

Now that she’s going through it too, she knows how hard the transition into motherhood can be for some people.

How Can We Support Each Other?

It got me thinking about supporting each other, and supporting new moms in particular.

What is the best way to support a new mom? How can you encourage a new mother who is in the newborn phase? What should you do?

A lot of people will mean well and say things like, “Let me know if you need anything!” Their heart is in the right place and if asked, they would likely do anything for their new mom friend.

The thing is, chances are that new mom will never ask. Very rarely will someone reach out and specifically ask for help, especially to someone other than their spouse and closest immediate family.

However, even though a new mom won’t ask for help doesn’t mean she doesn’t need it. And it doesn’t mean she wouldn’t welcome it.

So the question remains, how can we best support, encourage and love on our new mama friends? What can we do to show our love when a friend or family member has a new baby? Especially if it’s someone’s first baby, how can we help lift them up during a typically very emotional and challenging time?

With these tips, you can take the initiative and support a new mom during a time when she needs it the most.

7 Ways to Support a New Mom

1. Send encouragement via a text, or a note in the mail.

At the very least, send a text to let the new mama know you are thinking of her and praying for her. The early newborn days are all consuming and can be very isolating. You forget there is life outside the walls of your house. Getting an encouraging text from a friend, or a happy letter in the mail helps ground you and keep you connected to the outside world.

2. Sincerely ask how they are doing.

Whether it’s done via text, a phone call or in person, give the new mom a chance to tell you how they are really doing. All too often, we answer the question of how we are doing with a cheery, “Good!” even if we don’t mean it. Encourage your friend to tell you how she is really doing, and ask follow up questions to encourage her to share. If you have similar experiences and can relate to how she’s feeling, tell her that she’s not alone and you’ve been there. Let her vent and tell her it won’t always be this tough.